Prayer Accountant Skit

This is the skit we used this morning. It was very well received. Pastor LeBron was preaching from Philippians 4:19.

[CHRISTIAN enters stage, kneels to pray.]

CHRISTIAN Heavenly Father, I need your wisdom again... [or any suitable intro to a prayer]

[SUIT enters, interrupts] {in our case SUIT was dressed in a tux and top hat :) }

SUIT Excuse me.

CHRISTIAN [continues praying] ...I don't know what to do...

SUIT Excuse me!

CHRISTIAN [looks at SUIT] Are you talking to me?

SUIT Yes, of course. Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt your prayer, but--well, it's your prayers I've come to talk to you about

CHRISTIAN Who are you?

SUIT I am my lord's prayer accountant. I handle record keeping, supply and demand, that sort of thing.

CHRISTIAN You're kidding.

SUIT No, actually. At any rate, you have been praying for a lot lately, and I've come to let you know that your account is being suspended until the end of the year.

CHRISTIAN Suspended?!

SUIT Yes, of course. There are, after all, only so many resources to go around, and we must be fair to other pray-ers, now musn't we?

CHRISTIAN That's ridiculous!

SUIT No, actually. It makes perfect sense. You pray for money for some missionary, it has to come from somewhere. You pray for someone's to get the organ they need, someone else doesn't get it. You see, it's simple economics. Now if you will just sign here, indicating you understand and agree to comply with this suspension until January 1, I'll take my leave.

CHRISTIAN No! I don't believe you. I've been learning some of the promises of God, and I've got them written down right here! [takes out cards, reads]

Psalm 50:12 If I were hungry, I would not tell you, for the world and everything in it is Mine.

Jeremiah 32:27 Look, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too difficult for Me?

Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think—according to the power that works in you— to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

SUIT Yes, but, you must understand, my lord sent me to--

CHRISTIAN No! I don't believe you. You're not from MY Lord! Your Lord must be the devil! In Jesus name, go away! [returns to kneeling posture] Heavenly Father, please remove this demon from my presence...[continue praying ad lib]

SUIT [crying out and leaving as if compelled] Fine! You go on praying God's promises! There are plenty of people out there [with wide arm gesture that includes congregation] that won't! [Exits]

[CHRISTIAN stands, nods a bow to audience, and leaves stage.]

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Slandering God

Fair warning: this is another post disagreeing with Calvinism. Don't mean to upset anyone, just to be part of the dialogue.

I realize that no one person represents the "official" Calvinist position (unless you count Calvin, but I mean current proponents of the larger school of thought), but I read and listen to a lot of John Piper these days, so his positions are the ones I'm mostly wrestling with. He talks here about why he believes infants who die go to heaven. His summary statement, I think, is this: "God will not condemn them because he wants to manifest openly and publicly that he does not condemn those who did not have the mental capacities to put their faith in him."

This seems so hypocritical to me. Part of Calvinism's basic teaching is that God WILL condemn those who do not have the SPIRITUAL capacity to put their faith in Him. So we have two kinds of incapacity, mental and spiritual. If you have one, you get a pass. If you have the other, you go to Hell. And you have no control over either one. You are born mentally incapable and spiritually incapable to believe in Jesus. If you live long enough, you will in most cases develop the mental capacity naturally, but you have no way to become spiritually capable unless God chooses you.

This is one of the biggest problems I have with Calvinism. I know John Piper thinks the doctrine is a treasure of God's glory, and I love John Piper, but I think the doctrine slanders the character and wisdom of God. I think it has Him condemning people for failing to do what they cannot do. I think that makes Him out to be unjust and/or foolish. I'm not saying "I don't want God to be that way, so it must be wrong." I'm saying it seems to be contrary to His character revealed in Scripture.

I'm just saying...

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Sparse Mansion Skit

Here's the skit we used this morning. The sermon was called Your Spiritual Bank Account from Philippians 4:17.

ANGEL is checking HUMAN into his/her new heavenly abode.

ANGEL: Well, here you are! Your brand new mansion. We're so glad to have you here in Heaven. Have a happy eternity! [starts to leave]

HUMAN: Wait! I, uh, this is great and all, but it's, ah, a little, um, sparse, isn't it?

ANGEL: Well, it's certainly not the least sparse mansion on the block. Take care! [starts to leave]

HUMAN: Wait!...I don't understand. Why is my new home so empty? A few sticks of furniture? That's all I get in heaven?

ANGEL: Well, you see, we unpacked everything you sent ahead. Perhaps if you rearranged those two chairs and that table a bit it would look like more...

HUMAN: Sent ahead? What are you talking about?

ANGEL: [to self] If I had a gold paving stone for everytime I've had this conversation. [to HUMAN] [sighs] You know that Bible passage that says “Don’t collect for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But collect for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves don’t break in and steal?”

HUMAN: I think I heard that before...

ANGEL: You think you heard that before?! You heard [flips through pages on clipboard] 32 sermons, 8 Sunday School lessons, 2 camp devotionals, and one skit with an angel on those verses!

HUMAN: Oh, yeah...

ANGEL: But you never changed your life in response to these verses. You lived your whole life building up your supply of gadgets and vacation souveneirs. You filled your home on earth with plenty of stuff, but you barely sent anything ahead for this one!

HUMAN: What about all the ways I served in the church?

ANGEL: [flipping through pages again] Finance committee, had to be chairman. Choir, always wanted the solo. Yard work, insisted on mowing the patch along the busiest roadway. Face it. You never did anything unless you made sure you would get attention and a pat on the back. Well, that was your reward. You get squat for that kind of attitude here.

HUMAN: What about my prayer life? I spent a lot of time on my knees! And even fasted sometimes—I bet most of the other people in my church never did that!

ANGEL: Well, sadly, that's true. But you made such a big deal of letting everybody know about your fasting, you completely destroyed its spiritual value. It became a way for you to show off what a great Christian you thought you were.

HUMAN: But—but--don't I get anything?

ANGEL: Well, you're here—that's way better than nothing, right?

CHILD [walks up, not part of "scene," reads] First Corinthians 3:12-15. If anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay, or straw, each one’s work will become obvious, for the day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire; the fire will test the quality of each one’s work. If anyone’s work that he has built survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned up, it will be lost, but he will be saved; yet it will be like an escape through fire.

ANGEL: [sniffing] Do you smell smoke?

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A Practical Note On Fasting

From Foster again: "...it is wise to learn to walk well before we try to run. Begin with a partial fast of twenty-four hours' duration; many have found lunch to lunch to be the best time. This means that you would not eat two meals. Fresh fruit juices are excellent to drink during the fast. Attempt this once a week for several weeks. In the beginning you will be fascinated with the physical aspects of your experience, but the most important thing to monitor is the inner attitude of the heart....After two or three weeks you are prepared to attempt a normal fast of twenty-four hours. Drink only water but use healthy amounts of it."

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The Purpose Of Fasting

I've never done much fasting, a little on rare occasions, sometimes to no apparent effect. Trying to learn more about it (and other spiritual disciplines) now. I guess I always thought the main purpose for fasting was something along the lines of "enhancing our prayers." I just read a different perspective in Richard J Foster's Celebration of Discipline: "...success in prayer, the enduing with power, spiritual insights--these must never replace God as the center of our fasting. John Wesley declares, 'First, let it [fasting] be done unto the Lord with our eye singly fixed on Him. Let our intention herein be this, and this alone, to glorify our Father which is in heaven....'" I never thought about how fasting glorifies God. It says to Him, to myself, and to any angels or demons looking on: "God is worthy of my attention and focus to the extent that I abandon even nourishment for a time." It highlights HIS value. Awesome thought.

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